Another oldie, but goodie. Black republicans. Yes, I was telling this joke before the song came out, good song--but the jokes not bad either.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Male Praying Mantis
Who doesn't like jokes about sexual insects? You know I do. Anyway, I've noticed I have quite a paunch, someone should have told me. Okay, somebody did tell me, but yelling it from a passing car isn't the same as loving encouragement.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Japan
I know I should be just posting the new stuff, but here is something I don't perform anymore about my life in Japan. Enjoy!!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Shark Joke
I've only ever told this joke once. It's quirky, but its hard to set up. Maybe I'll try a little more energy on the act-out.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving
Happy thanksgiving everyone,
I saw it all over the internet yesterday (abc news,) that the president has pardoned his two thanksgiving turkeys. And that they will live out their lives in a petting zoo, in Florida. Is anybody falling for this. I mean, it's not just Bush its a cute presidential tradition that goes all the way back to Teddy Roosevelt. But really, he pardoned two turkeys, but he had three or four.
Check the presidents menu, he's not eating tofurkey, he's not having beets & Lentil soup, he's having TURKEY.
The sad thing is you know as he was pardoning those two turkeys Giblets & Gravy, Frank & Tom where in the kitchen--straining to hear their names.
Poor little guys.
I saw it all over the internet yesterday (abc news,) that the president has pardoned his two thanksgiving turkeys. And that they will live out their lives in a petting zoo, in Florida. Is anybody falling for this. I mean, it's not just Bush its a cute presidential tradition that goes all the way back to Teddy Roosevelt. But really, he pardoned two turkeys, but he had three or four.
Check the presidents menu, he's not eating tofurkey, he's not having beets & Lentil soup, he's having TURKEY.
The sad thing is you know as he was pardoning those two turkeys Giblets & Gravy, Frank & Tom where in the kitchen--straining to hear their names.
Poor little guys.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Allegedly
Its crazy to me how reporters misuse the word "allegedly". "The crosses burned on the lawn were an alleged hate-crime." So we're not sure what the intentions of the cross-burners were? We don't know maybe they had their crosses to close to an open flame. Maybe they were chasing Dracula or something, got their torches to close to their crosses, it happens. There was a bit on the local news about a convict who'd shot a cop and then ran away, and they still called him the "alleged" shooter. Umm, people saw him do the shooting. He's the one who's missing, armed and dangerous. If you're not sure he did it I'm not going to call you if I see him. I'm not going to waste my phone minutes--I'm allegedly broke.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The DC Improv
The shows went pretty well. I'd say the usual weak-spot , the Friday late-went well. They were rowdy as per usual. I silenced a heckler--a drunk sexy lady. The audience was with me , though my retort wasn't that funny. They all laughed anyway.
stage
Ever wonder what the green room looks like? I'll give you a hint. Its green. Usually when you play one of the better rooms the food and drinks are free. The trick is that I'm usually so nervous I don't want to eat or drink before a show
.greenroom
There is a wall in back were all the comics have tagged with graffiti of when they performed there and such.
wall
There is also some gum there--possibly the gum of a great comic. Seinfeld, Chapelle, Carrot-top. It could be anyone's gum. Anyway, it's been there for a long time--there's a cough drop too.
stage
Ever wonder what the green room looks like? I'll give you a hint. Its green. Usually when you play one of the better rooms the food and drinks are free. The trick is that I'm usually so nervous I don't want to eat or drink before a show
.greenroom
There is a wall in back were all the comics have tagged with graffiti of when they performed there and such.
wall
There is also some gum there--possibly the gum of a great comic. Seinfeld, Chapelle, Carrot-top. It could be anyone's gum. Anyway, it's been there for a long time--there's a cough drop too.
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